Realizations.

This whole weekend has been relationship hell. 22 months is a long time. You start to get deeper and deeper with the person, and you don't even realize it. You don't feel your own individuality decreasing. You don't feel your in dependency deceasing. When you finally realize you can't stand on your own two feet without him holding your hand, it's too late. This weekend showed me that.

I can't stand on my own two feet without him. And that is, very, very frightening. If he leaves me, I'll fall. I've decided I need to work on myself. Be happy with myself again. No more leaning on him. No more being tough on him for little things. He's my boyfriend, not my husband.

I used to be able to talk to him for hours without getting sad, or angry. But now, I've changed. I'm stupidly getting sad for nothing. I mean come on, self, calm down.

I need to "find" myself. I know I'm there. Somewhere deep down. Don't worry past self, I'll find you. And improve you.