Lacking

So I've noticed lately, that i'm lacking motivation in continuing watching Dragonball. Naruto Shippuuden, as of now, is a lost cause. One might be thinking, why is it a lost cause? Well, extremely nosey reader who doesn't exist, Naruto Shippuuden is a lost cause because of all the fillers. Sure, some of the fillers are actually important to the story line. The one that's occurring might be important, but i'd rather find out the hard way.
Anyway, i really wanna watch Dragonball, and I could just go watch it, but i'm tired. And lazy. I seem to never finish what I start now a days...

Realizations.

This whole weekend has been relationship hell. 22 months is a long time. You start to get deeper and deeper with the person, and you don't even realize it. You don't feel your own individuality decreasing. You don't feel your in dependency deceasing. When you finally realize you can't stand on your own two feet without him holding your hand, it's too late. This weekend showed me that.

I can't stand on my own two feet without him. And that is, very, very frightening. If he leaves me, I'll fall. I've decided I need to work on myself. Be happy with myself again. No more leaning on him. No more being tough on him for little things. He's my boyfriend, not my husband.

I used to be able to talk to him for hours without getting sad, or angry. But now, I've changed. I'm stupidly getting sad for nothing. I mean come on, self, calm down.

I need to "find" myself. I know I'm there. Somewhere deep down. Don't worry past self, I'll find you. And improve you.

Classic Beauty

You know who I think is gorgeous?
The most beautiful women to ever walk this earth?
Audrey Hepburn.

Style, grace, class, poise.
She had everything.
Some of her quotes are amazing.

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindess; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."

Besides her being incredibley empowering with words, she was also a fashion icon. Amazingly well dressed. Her smile was her best feature.

If I coulds switch faces/ bodies with anyone it would defintely be her.

She's so incredibly beautiful.

Frantic

Yesterday was the first time a boyfriend as ever surprised me.

It was 2:20 P.M. I was finishing up Identical by Ellen Hopkins, and i get a text.
C: Whatcha up to?
Me: Oh just reading. and eating myself to death. You?

While i waited for his answered, i finished the book. Stood up and went to take a shower. In the middle of choosing my clothes I get a text back.
C: Waiting for you to answer the door.

I laughed and went to see my door, thinking that he was joking, and there he was. He took a look at was I was wearing (old torn shirt, spongebob squarepants pajama bottoms, and hello kitty slippers) and started cracking up.
I then turned beet red, and ran back into my room. My mom heard my yelp, and ran out from the kitchen to see my boyfriend standing there, grinning like hes seen the most hilarious thing in the universe. She yelped too.

I frantically took a shower, trying to get shampoo in my hair, and ended up getting it in my eyes. I could hear his laugh from the living room. After my shower, still in towel, i came up from behind him and splashed him. He still laughed at me.

He stayed from 2-9. It was a well-needed visit. Finally, i got the break from stress I needed.

Naruto Shippuuden: NO PROGRESS
Dragonball: 23 1/2.
Hero's Journey: FINISHED at 3,784 words.

Out-Of-Sorts

I've been stuck in a haze.
Walking around with no sense of what I'm doing.
Doing homework without thinking.
Eating without savouring.
What's wrong with me?

I don't feel sad.
I'm not angry.
I don't feel depressed.
I'm not anxious.
I can't feel.
What's wrong with me?

I don't dream.
My imagination doesn't spiral.
-Creating daises with smiling faces
-And halls filled with beautifully coloured ribbons.

I don't. I can't.

Today, we got an assignment in my English class where we have to write a story about a hero, make sure he/she has a goal, at least two conflicts, learns a lesson, and is 4-5 pages. She also added that we could work on this with another person. Honestly, I don't need another person to help me write 4-5 pages.This assignment is easily, the most exciting thing I've assigned to me. While everyone around me was groaning, and saying "FIVE PAGES?!" out of anger, I was practically bouncing on my chair out of glee.
I have so many ideas, I can hardly contain myself. I have a feeling that my story is going to be a lot more than 4-5 pages. I hope my English teacher doesn't mind.
Before all this happened, I went to meet with my guidance counselor and she told me my teacher recommended I be put in English Honors. That excited me too. On all my essays all I've ever gotten were 'A's, I've never gotten a 'B' on a writing assignment. I honestly enjoy writing things. It exercises my mind.

Naruto Shippuuden: #100
Dragonball: #22

Lethargic

le·thar·gic
Pronunciation: \lə-ˈthär-jik, le-\
Function: adjective
Date: 14th century
1 : of, relating to, or characterized by lethargy : sluggish
2 : indifferent, apathetic

That is certainly the right word.

Today, my mother had an allergic reaction at work. What happened was, she was writing in a patients file, and there was a banana peel laying around. The doctor kept telling her to write faster, and more. My mother, being the determined women that she is, kept writing even though breathing was getting more and more difficult.
In mid-word, she fell down and started wheezing. She was admitted to the hospital. (which thankfully, she was already in)
I've been scrambling around all day, trying to make her life easier, trying to figure out my new phone, trying to memorize three service songs for the memorial day parada, and studying for my trig make-up test.

"UGH ...Life is HARD" 1:07
Naruto Shippuuden: #100
Dragonball: #20

City Morning

I woke up at promptly 5:45 A.M.
The dream is over.

My feet woke with a start, feeling the cold hardwood floors.
I got my towels, and proceeded to take my shower.
The water started running.
My feet relished in the coolness of the water.
Closer and closer I got to the water.
A cool heaven cleansed my face.
Orange-lilac smells around me.
The shower is over.

My wet feet touch the familiar hardwood floor
Clothes are scattered everywhere.
I slip on the simplest, red shirt.
And the gift of my boyfriend's chain.
My feet slip into my ratty converse.
My hands feel the coarseness of the laces.

I stood up at 6:30 A.M.
I look at my white door.
My hands feel the cool doorknob.
The door groans in protest.

The air startles me.
The dew on the grass sparkles.
I turn and see the familiar sights:
Buildings, lights, sunset.

I take in my surroundings.
Everything is beautiful.
I feel a hand on the small of my back.
It's him.
I smile.
He smiles.

We gaze.
Madness happening around us.
Lights, cars, trains, pedestrians.
His lips meet mine

Poorly played prank

After about six o'clock p.m. I started feeling my eyes getting heavy. It was harder and harder to keep them open. So I thought "what the heck? i'll just take a nap." I go to my room, put on my retainers (ick), and close my eyes. Two seconds pass, and I get a text message.
I groan, and rise from my bed to see who it's from.
Ceese (Boyfriend=Chavy=Ceese): I'm going to Ecuador tommorrow.
I reply: No the hell your not, i almost died the first time.
Ceese: I have to.
Reply: Really? For what reason?
Ceese: Family stuff.
Reply: Stop lying. I'll talk to you later.
Ceese: I'm nottttttttt, i'm serious. family stuff.
Reply: Chavy A___ D___, I know you. And i can tell when your lying. Now if you'll excuse me, i'm tired.
Ceese: Fine whatever.
Reply: Haha, you getting all mad doesn't make me believe you.
Ceese: :

I call him.
Ceese: *giggling* hello?
Reply: You're the worst liar ever.
Ceese: Hey, i had to do it. I couldn't resist.


Stupid boy. Stupid.

Naruto Shippuuden: If i say 99 still will you get mad? Hopefully not. #99

I'm aliveeeeeeee!

Unfortunately, (hahah) i never got to take my band test. The day after I posted that blog, i stayed home. I felt the worst I've felt... EVER. I don't even want to discuss that.
It's hard to get back into the swing of things. We'll see how long it takes for me to get back to normal.

Naruto Shippuuden : # STILL 99

Epiphany

I've only just realized writing this blog helps me keep my calm. It's good for me. I've decided I'll write in here more often. Sometimes i have really important things to say. But most times, it's just for me to say things that i really need to get off my chest.
Maybe this will be like one of those epic diaries, that after the person dies, becomes a time-less piece of literature, and is taught in the middle school curriculum. Maybe I'll change someones life. Maybe I'll save someones life. Maybe I'll end up on the bookshelf of groundbreaking diaries such as, The Diary of Anne Frank or Go ask Alice.

I don't want to be anonymous. My name is Melissa, I'm fifteen years old. I have a boyfriend. I don't like showing anyone else my emotions towards him, except for... well him. I love him, take my word for it. He lives in NYC, i live in suburban New Jersey. (More on that later) I like Pokemon, dragonball z, naruto, harry potter, reading. I have weird mood swings, and I get in trouble because of them. I say the wrong things sometimes, and sometimes I just want to talk to someone, anyone.
I'm not a Jewish girl, hiding to save her life, or a someone who uses drugs. But maybe my own personal point of view, will reach someone, somewhere. Maybe the things I've done, or will do, or been through, would be/ is relate able.
Or maybe I just have enormous dreams. I choose the latter.

Naruto Shippuuden: #99

Complaints

Relationships are hard. My boyfriend's friend pretended to be him, and called me "dumb as bricks" for believing him. thanks.

(Next day... i think.)
I don't feel that much better. I mean, my relationship's fine, but i'm sick now. Let's just say, my stomach is killing me. Like literally, i feel like death. My boyfriend's taking a nap right now, i envy him. If i so much as turn to my side, i'll start feeling woozy. Today, after 1st period (gym), i was walking to my class, and my stomach started doing weird flips, and turns. Long story short, i ended up going home 4th period. This worries me for many reasons.
A. The last time i got sent home early was for the same exact reason, only it was in the 4th grade.
B. I had a band test today. And although, this "setback" has giving me time to study for it (which i did) it worries me that my band teacher will make me recite the test to everyone in the class. I'll make sure to let you (did you see that? i actually think people READ this) know.
C. I always hate missing class. I hate knowing that there's something i missed learning. I hate knowing my knowledge is less than what it could've been.

When i got home, i sat on the couch and burried my woes in Law and Order: SUV re-runs. What did i have for dinner? Salad. What did i ask my mom for dinner tomorrow? Something healthy. Why? Because i want to start living a healthier life-style. Something must be wrong with me. *face-palm*