I don't miss you yet/

My day was quite uneventful, I went to borders, read some comics, got two books. I went to Walmart bought Avatar, and I'm currently watching it.
The romances and beauties in this movie are glorious."She talks about a network of energy that flows through all living things, and someday we'll have to give it back." The visuals are beautiful: floating mountains, glowing light patterns, natural beauty. The way two 'people' fall in love, unexpectedly. Although this movie is definitely not the greatest of the century, one cannot deny the creativity that went into this movie. New language, new type of people, new culture, but with the root that all beings can love, and feel. The art of choosing a person and that person choosing you, the connection between nature and spirit, is something that's been rooted into our souls, and this movie brings that to life, so to speak.

Something I would have liked to have told you today: the first song that appeared on my iPod today was Everything We Had- The Academy Is... A couple of days ago you mentioned this song. "It's truly a beautiful song" the whole time when you were trying to explain to me how deep and sultry the song is, I was thinking "do you remember?" one day, way back when, we were in my kitchen, and this song came on. I looked at you with a sad expression because this song always saddened me. You smiled at me, and took my hand and we (I hesitatingly) started slow-dancing in my kitchen while I whispered the words of this sad song in your ear. After a couple of years, things between us started becoming different, so many mistakes, and fights got in between us, and we haven't had moments like this. For that very reason I skipped this song every time it came on my iPod. I've learned that I do that. A song reminds me of you, and I'm mad? Skip. A song reminds me of your ex girlfriend? Skip skip skip. Songs have the ability to take me back to a certain place or person, and for that reason I miss out on songs that I like. I don't know what to make of this. All I know is I don't miss you yet, but I do think of you a lot.

Departing of ways

April 29th, 9:03 p.m.
Me: Are you mad at me?
C: Nah, I don't want to talk though.
Me: Okay, Sunday?
C: Nah, I don't want to talk for a while. Give me a week.
Me: Um, why?
C: I'll burst if we talk one more time.
Me: In a bad way?
C: Yeah.
Me: Did I do something?
C: Nah, its me.
Me: Okay, well, how about I give you today, tomorrow, and the weekend?
Is that enough?
C: not at all. I need a lot.
Me: Are we good? I mean should I be worried?
C: Yeah, leave me alone.
Me: Okay, good night.

And that was that. I didn't fight, I didn't yell, I didn't even twitch.
Right after that I fell asleep.
That was nearly 12 hours ago, and only now questions are arising in my head, why now? Why when we're finally in a relationship again? I'm trying not to be a big-weirdo-creep. I'm trying not to think about it too much. So much that I break, and end up texting him or something. Thus why this idea popped in my head: why not have an outlet? Everyday that he's gone, I'll just update this. It puts my thoughts and ideas into perspective, and I honestly do need that.
One of the moments I would have liked to talk to C about today: I was watching Spiderman, and the infamous scene where Mary Jane and Spiderman kiss upside-down reminded me of the day where we were driving back from Loews. I had my head on your lap (as-per-usual) and the car was rocking back and forth due to the bumps on the highway, your left arm was braiding and un-braiding my hair (you were always the only one I let touch my hair), your right arm was holding my hand, and every so often rubbed my arm when I felt a chill. I felt you looking at me, and I looked back, and we kissed just how Mary Jane Watson and Peter Parker did after he saved her life, that one rainy night. And after that day, the feeling we both felt, the electricity surging through our bodies, became a favorable topic between us. I'd forgotten about that. That shows how different we are, three years later.

Something that keeps my insecurities in check: "I know you probably don't believe me, but I need you just as much as you need me, if not more."

Gabriel Iglesias.

Yesterday, i had the pleasure of seeing Gabriel Iglesias live.

The day started off with a couple of my good friends and I going to Morristown, New Jersey. My mom and I used to make a daily commute to Morristown for food, or the bank, so I'm pretty familiar with the town. We walked a few blocks from the Mayo Center for Performing Arts and ate at Burger King. Mind you, we were dressed like we were going to a cocktail party, and there we were, scarfing down double quarter pounders.

After the heavy dinner, we walked to the park were I spent so many childhood days, running around while my mom was talking on her cell phone.

The park was double as beautiful as I remembered. We laid on the grass, sipping ice teas, and taking in the sun and wonderful breeze.

Around 7:20, we headed back to the theater, and waited until the doors opened. We found our seats (row O, in the Orchestra) As the theater started getting more and more packed, I became more and more excited. The show was sold out, and there were people of ALL ages there.

The host was Martin Moreno, and there were 4 opening acts, but the one I enjoyed the most was Noe Gonzalez. First of all, this dude is 5'2, and the main basis of his joke are about being short. He even asks "Who here is short?!" I raised my hand (5'1) , along with others in the crowd and he proceeds to say "Yeah, you're all women." He then made jokes about being called "Little man" and that especially hit close to home for me because my friends call me Little Short Melissa, iknorite? He was great, and definitely should be more well-known.

After being introduced by a super-cool montage on one of the video screens on the stage (involving Erik Estrada dressed as a cop "Chips" anyone?) Gabriel Iglesias runs on stage, and the crowd went nuts. I could literally hear the fist-pumping in the air. After Gabriel catches his breath (ten minutes later) he starts of with saying that New Jersey's air is different than California's. That we actually have something called, oxygen.

One of my favorite parts of the show was when Gabriel says "This isn't like t.v. I can see you." The show was fantastic, as Gabriel involves the crowd a lot, and even takes requests. At the end of the night, I drove home excited, happy, and fulfilled.

A day well spent.

Hold on.

I am exhausted.

Since this week is the final week before Spring Break, every single one of my teacher decides, "Hey, let's try to cram in as many grades in 5 days!"

My history teacher assigned a page on Brown v. Board of Ed, I thought, oh boy! What an easy way to get my grade up. My English teacher assigned 5 pages on Tinker v. Des Moines. My health teacher asked for two current events, my biology teacher asked for a poster, along with a three page report on a genetic disease, my German teacher provided many a-pop quizzes, my Algebra two teacher provided a quiz every single day of this week, and tomorrow I have a test on everything we've learned this semester. In band I want to do my best since I am the section leader in charge, and by the time I get home, I don't know where to start.

Everyday, I receive many college letters, asking whether I've considered their school yet. Everyday, I am more tired than the last. Everyday, I have more to do.

When I finally do have down time to reflect on my day, and how for some reason, the days blur by me. Did I say hello to my friend who I nod at everyday? Did I eat lunch? Did I remember my book for the Algebra quiz?

No. I didn't.

To make matters worse, my best friend (who is a senior, and twenty times more busy than I am) has no time for me. I miss him.

I am stressed. I am tired. And I just want to sleep.

But I can't. Not for another two days.

I switch teams.

Spring is here.

I am getting excited for this season in spite of myself. I was always a Winter girl. I was always the girl who defended Winter, when everyone else hated her. I loved the snowflakes, I love the cold crisp air, I loved the apparel: gloves, mittens, scarfs, boots, jackets, hats, skullies. I loved the way the bristles of the bushes stuck out, imperfect and dangerous. I loved the way the snow looked when the sun was setting. I loved the way fresh snow sparkled.

But one day, when I was driving with the windows down, and drinking a cool Snapple, something changed. I wanted to immerse myself into the sun, and breeze. I wanted to kick off my shoes, tilt my head, close my eyes, and thank Spring for bringing me beauty.

A comeback.

"Last published August 21, 2009."

That might as well have been many years ago.

Since my abrupt leaving, I've gotten older, I've cut my hair and grown it out again. I've met some of the greatest people I've ever met, and lost a great friend. I've lost a boyfriend, and gained a best friend. I've gotten A's on research papers, projects, and F's pop algebra quizzes. I've laughed, I've cried, I've thought, I've read. I've become stronger emotionally, I've become aware of my faults, I've become aware of my strengths. I've become aware of which people in my life I care most about.

I've come a long way since August 21st 2009.

But I'm still struggling to make decisions that will affect my entire life. Do I? Don't I? Will I? What if? What if? What if?

I've missed writing to no one in particular. Instead of having to write about the Cold War, or Sickle Cell disease, or Freedom of Speech, I get to write about myself, which is exponentially much better. Maybe this will be a way for me to better myself.

We'll see.

Beauty

There's different types of beauty. (TBC)