Departing of ways

April 29th, 9:03 p.m.
Me: Are you mad at me?
C: Nah, I don't want to talk though.
Me: Okay, Sunday?
C: Nah, I don't want to talk for a while. Give me a week.
Me: Um, why?
C: I'll burst if we talk one more time.
Me: In a bad way?
C: Yeah.
Me: Did I do something?
C: Nah, its me.
Me: Okay, well, how about I give you today, tomorrow, and the weekend?
Is that enough?
C: not at all. I need a lot.
Me: Are we good? I mean should I be worried?
C: Yeah, leave me alone.
Me: Okay, good night.

And that was that. I didn't fight, I didn't yell, I didn't even twitch.
Right after that I fell asleep.
That was nearly 12 hours ago, and only now questions are arising in my head, why now? Why when we're finally in a relationship again? I'm trying not to be a big-weirdo-creep. I'm trying not to think about it too much. So much that I break, and end up texting him or something. Thus why this idea popped in my head: why not have an outlet? Everyday that he's gone, I'll just update this. It puts my thoughts and ideas into perspective, and I honestly do need that.
One of the moments I would have liked to talk to C about today: I was watching Spiderman, and the infamous scene where Mary Jane and Spiderman kiss upside-down reminded me of the day where we were driving back from Loews. I had my head on your lap (as-per-usual) and the car was rocking back and forth due to the bumps on the highway, your left arm was braiding and un-braiding my hair (you were always the only one I let touch my hair), your right arm was holding my hand, and every so often rubbed my arm when I felt a chill. I felt you looking at me, and I looked back, and we kissed just how Mary Jane Watson and Peter Parker did after he saved her life, that one rainy night. And after that day, the feeling we both felt, the electricity surging through our bodies, became a favorable topic between us. I'd forgotten about that. That shows how different we are, three years later.

Something that keeps my insecurities in check: "I know you probably don't believe me, but I need you just as much as you need me, if not more."