Christmas Dilemma

Most of my mother's side of the family lives in Texas. I haven't seen them for nearly two years. A lot can happen in two years! For example: A wedding we (we being my mom, my step-dad, and I) couldn't go to, a cousin getting her driver's license, making the transition from middle school to high school, making the transition from elementary school to middle school, cousin getting her wisdom teeth taken out. With the distance, comes missing holiday gatherings. We never spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year's together. While the rest of the family is living it up in Texas, we're celebrating quietly here in New Jersey.
We've been getting tired of this, and decided a visit is in order. My mom decided that we were to go to Texas on the 26th of December, but as a surprise. The plan was, when we arrived at the airport we would call them and be like "hey, Merry Christmas. By the way..." A surprise, you know? When my cousin, Karen, came to New York for a R.O.T.C meet, we went to go meet up with her. While together, I told her about the surprise visit to Texas. She was, of course thrilled. (We're the two girls in the family. -___-)
Today, my mom got a call from my aunt, saying "Hey! Guess what?" They were planning on coming to New Jersey for a visit.... for Christmas. She then proceeded to say that she wasn't sure if she'd have that day off of work, and if she didn't she'd just send my little cousin, Brian, to visit since he'd been nagging her "When are we going to Jersey, ma?!" This puts us in a pickle.

Six Flags.

Oh hey, Blog of mine. It's been too long. Recently, I went to Six Flags Great Adventure, with an old friend. Her name is Maria, and I haven't spoken to her since the 7th grade. Why did I invite her, you ask? Well, i'm the type of person who LOVES roller-coasters, but i'm too chicken shit to go on them without some persuasion.

I promptly picked her up at 9:00 a.m. at her house, then we hit the road. I'd forgotten how peaceful highways are, to me. Rolling down your windows, letting the air hit your face, and watching the green trees go by is a really good feeling.

Before even arriving at Six Flags, you could see Kingda Ka, from miles away.

This terrifying monster made my stomach clench, because I knew my friend wanted to go on it. I kept trying to find an excuse to not go on it, without seeming like a baby. When we arrived at the entrance, the sign said "Kingda is Closed today." HECK YES!

The first ride we went on was Batman. The line wait wasn't too long, but by the time I was strapped in, I was scared. As soon as the ride took off, I was pumped!

After Batman was over, I got such a thrill, that I decided to go on Nitro. Now, Nitro, is my favorite ride of all time, but it's a monster. It takes super long to get to the top.

Seriously, I was in the middle of a conversation with the stranger next to me, and it went down. The first drop always makes you feel like you're dying, but after that... it's just one huge party. I kept screaming "HELL YEAH! YEAH! YEAH BITCH!" I'm a college frat boy.

After Nitro, my friend wanted to go on the Bizarro. The new ride at our Six Flags. I was so scared, since I've never been on it, that I wanted to stall. Since it was 80 degrees out, I persuaded her to go on the water ride.

After the water ride, I had no choice but to go on the Bizarro since they were super close. It was a great freakin' ride. Probably my favorite of forever.

Then we ended the day on Superman. The easiest roller coaster ever.

Languages: A History

I don't know how to get into this subject, so pretend there's a clever anecdote here.

The first language I learned was Spanish. My mom is Salvadorian. (dad wasn't around, but he is Mexican) She came to this country when she was 18 (after having my oldest brother. Pablo (23) She knew no English. One would think that my brother's first language would be Spanish as well, but seeing as he's deaf, he never learned Spanish, or English. My first language was Spanish, so when I got to prekindergarten I didn't know how to communicate with other kids. I was a quick learner, I never had to be put into ESL classes.
As the years progressed I became fluent in English, Spanish, and American Sign-language. By the 6th grade I was introduced to Naruto. Naruto is a Japanese anime show that I quickly became obsessed with. So much so, that I went online and started watching the shows in Japanese. The Japanese language interested me. I loved the way the words flowed together. The sounds, the pitches. I loved the language so much, that I started looking into Japanese culture, history, and mannerisms. I'm still obsessed.

When guitar hero III came out, I played the poop out of that game. I played every single song, and came across Radio Song- Superbus. I liked the sound of the band so much that I looked them up, and found out that they do French songs! Guess what language I'm also in love with now? Guess what place I think is beautiful?

Side-note: Earlier I thought my likings for different countries was because America doesn't really have culture, but that's not it.

Wisdom Teeth

Over a week ago I went to the dentist because one of my wisdom teeth was hurting pretty bad. They told me that on thee 7th I'd have to get them taken out.

Yesterday morning I woke up at 8 A.M. (couldn't go back to sleep) For an appointment that was at 10 A.M. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and ATE NOTHING. It sucked not being able to eat especially since my mom was cooking freakin' sasuage and eggs. What the heck mom?

By the time we arrived in the dentist waiting room, all I could think about is food. I was so hungry, that I barley noticed that CNN was on (love CNN!) When the dental assistant came in, she asked me,

"how are you feeling?"

"hungry."

The room to take out my wisdom teeth was really comfortable. They had really weird 80's music on, and a brown blankey that felt baby-soft. While I waited for the head dentist to arrive I had myself extremely comfortable. I took my sandals off, and put thee awesome brown blankey over myself, and head-jammed to the music. I think they turned up the 80's music because I could hear what was going on in the other rooms, and it was freaking my mom out. Then the head dentist came in and said

"Let's get this show on the road!"

The dental assistant put a mask over my nose, (laughing gas) and it gave me the weirdest feeling... I felt like I wasn't there. It was time for my mom to leave the room, and before she left, she squeezed my hand. I could barely feel it. Then after she left, the background 80's music kept skipping. Actually, everyone in the room, all their words sounded like a broken cd. For some reason I found this to be really stinkin' hilarious. And the dental assistant said

"Feel the gas yet? You have a really funny look on your face."

The head dentist gave me something to squeeze and he put the I.V. in. I slowly felt like I was fading out of consciousness, and I was trying to fight it. But next thing I knew I was done, and there was gauze in my mouth.

I was drunk on laughing gas for 1 more hour. That was fun for my mom. She told me I said some really weird crap, and she had to help me walk in and out of the car, because apparently I'm really self-righteous when drunk on laughing gas.

My lip and chin were really numb, and it was thee most uncomfortable feeling I've ever felt. Slowly, at 9:00 the left side of my lip woke up! Then my right side woke up an hour ago!

It doesn't hurt yet, but just wait for that.

Unrequited Love

I hope in later years I'll be able to look at this blog and laugh at my woes. I hope by then my scars have healed, my tears are dry, and I'd be happy.

I'm dealing with things beyond my maturity level. I've felt the bitchin' pain that is teenage heartbreak. I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out on the day Chavy told me he loved me. I have to endure the pain that is stomach surgery on the day that we became a couple.
Post break up Chavy told me it wasn't going to work out anyway. Why would you say that? Today Chavy told me he's going partying. Why would you tell me that? I mean, it's fantastic that this break-up hasn't effected you at all. I'm crumbling, and you're partying. How great.

We barely talk. Today was the first time we've spoken in two days. It upsets me that it's come to this. We used to be great friends, and now we don't even talk. Even as friends, I don't think we'd have the same bond as before. I don't think I'll be able to think of him as a friend. I love him.

I miss him. I miss him so badly. He doesn't even think of me at all. He doesn't miss me.

Tough

Isn't it funny how music touches us? It has the ability to bring you back to a special time, or place. It has the ability to bring back feelings, whether happy or sad.
These past three days haven't been good for me. My relationship with Chavy has always been... different. He lives in the Bronx, I live in suburban New Jersey. Although this might not seem as a great distance, any distance is a great distance. He's a Junior, going on Senior, and I'm a Freshmen going on Sophomore. From the first conversation we had on MSN, I knew he was going to be a huge part of my life. He and I had the same type of humor. We watched the same shows, we just brought out the best in each other. He pushed me to grow intellecutally. He was the only person in my entire life that I KNEW i was lucky to have in my life.
We've been together since he was a Sophomore. I've know him since he was an 8th grader. When we became a couple, we had to make due with what we had. We talked through I.M. everyday, calls here and there. After 1 month of being together, we saw each other from the 22- 26th. Those days, although were incredible, they were way too short.
Our whole relationship was a struggle. We moved at a slow pace. First kiss at 3 months. First hand-holding at 3 months. Cuddling at 3 months.
Because we had such limited time together, we appreciated it, so much more. Our relationship was the strongest bond, I'd ever known. We spent Christmas of '07 together, New Year's of '08 together. Halloween of '07. Whenever we got together, it was as if though we had never left each other. But with each visit, comes an end. Each end got tougher and tougher. I cried for a great portion of them.
The first few months of being together were the best months of my life. Honestly, i've never felt so much love and adoration. It's not something that can be explained. Only people who've felt this know exactly what i mean. We were the cheesiest goobers ever! I'd send him song lyrics that I thought were cute, he'd read poems to me, we'd talk about the future, we had two "kids", we'd spend HOURS on the phone saying things so cheesy that you'd hate cheese.
Months passed, and we were at our 1 year anniversary. We spent it together. I remember he got me shoes that I REALLY wanted. More months passed, and we fought. Normal couples fight. But normal couples can hug each other, or kiss to stop the fight. We didn't have that. After fights we'd have to wait WEEKS to embrace each other. A month ago, he and I had a fight. But it was in person. The conflict was solved so quickly, simply because we could hug, or hold hands.
Shortly thereafter, things got harder. We haven't fought, but the distance is taking a toll on us. Not only the distance, but the fact that he's now going to have a job, and going to work 5 days a week, which leaves... almost no time to talk.
He broke up with me three days ago, for that reason.

What made me document this is, after he broke up with me, I didn't really cry. I felt horrible inside, sure. It's the worst pain, I've ever felt, but I had to be strong. I told myself there's no use in crying. I tried persuading him that this isn't the best solution. We can work anything we want to, if we just try. After a day of trying to get him back, i felt pitiful. No use. Might as well leave him alone.
This morning when I woke up, I felt that same pain I did yesterday. Almost stronger as time passes. I made it the whole day without crying, until things started breaking me down, little by little. I was listening to "Now that I'm grown, I've seen marriages fall to pieces." Down and Out- The Academy Is... That reminded me of Jon & Kate Gosselin. For some reason, their relationship ending, really hurt me. I didn't express my pain to anyone. I guess the reason that it hurt me, is I saw love fall apart before my very eyes. I saw their failure from the beginning. I saw Kate crying because she couldn't do anything to save their marriage. Regardless of her personality, I believe that she really wanted to save it.
I went on myspace and listen to the Jackson 5. Their song "Never Can Say Goodbye" made me cry. "Even though the pain and heartache, seems to follow me wherever I go. Though I try and try to hide my feelings, they always seem to show. Then you try to say you're leaving me, and I always have to say no... I keep thinkin that our problems, soon are all gonna work out. But there's that same unhappy feeling and there's that anguish, there's that doubt. It's the same old did ya hang up? Can't do with you or without." This song perfectly describes how i feel.
I just wish this whole hurt point of my life is over. Can't it just get back to happy? This time, two years ago, was the happiest I'd ever been. Because of him. Two years later, this is the saddest/most depressed I've ever been. Because of him. You know what makes it hurt more? The loneliness. I'm so used to texting all day, or talking all day, that now when we don't have that anymore, i don't know what to do. Most of my friends are on vacation. I've never been the type of person who likes to talk to people first. You know what i mean? I don't like to invite people places, or start up conversations, I like people inviting me, or talking to me. My state of depression hasn't really helped my "not wanting to talk to people first" thing. Which, in hindsight isn't good. This is a time where I really need people to cheer me up, and yet I make no effort in speaking to them.

I used to think that the girls that got so dramatically upset over a break-up were wussies. Well, didn't that thought bite me in the ass? It's not like I'm crying and there's mascara covered tissues all over my bed. It's not like I'm watching romantic-comedys while eating ice cream. I'm just hurting on the inside. I'm just not talking to anyone. But I really want to.

Gads! This blog is so depressing. I'm sorry. I just need some serious cheering up.

Michael Jackson

Yesterday, June 25th 2009, Michael Jackson passed away.

The reasons of his death are as of now, unclear. The media says it was the drugs, but until his direct family confirms it, I'm taking it as unclear.

When I first heard of his death, I didn't believe it. Michael... Jackson... is dead? No way.
This morning when I woke up, I flipped on CNN, and started watching the debates. Was it the drugs? Did he really have heart problems? Where the heck is his doctor?
My family and I spent hours, and hours watching CNN. As time went on, I started getting angry. How is it that after someone dies, all the dirt comes out of the woodwork? I mean, seriously. Respect the dead. Respect their families.
CNN proceeded to show all the love and support of the fans. They showed people crying their eyes out, people that flew hours to go to see his star in hollywood, or his old home in Indiana. Dedicated fans.


Michael, you changed the world. Artists of today still look up to you! Madonna, Diana Ross, Usher, Justin Timberlake, and Mariah Carey are all heartbroken.
My heart goes out to your family, and your close friends.
Your music, your style, your voice was captivating. Today, millions of people's hearts broke when they heard the news. Today, millions of tears were wept across the world. You changed so many people's lives. People grew up listening to your music. I rememeber when I was little, I used to watch the video for Thriller everyday, even though it scared me. My cousin recorded one of your concerts, and I watched that video everyday. When I lost it, I cried.

Michael, people still loved you after your scandals in the media. I am one of those people.

After your death, no one wants to remember the bad things about you. It's almost as if death erases your fights with your appearance, or your struggles in court. Michael, honestly, I can't relate to the type of lifestyle you had. I can't imagine how hard your childhood was. I can't imagine the sadness you must've felt when you had to sing in the recording studio as opposed to playing with people your age. You've endured so many hardships, so many fights with the media. I will always remember you as sweet Michael from the Jackson five.

I hope you're at peace now.