Hold on.

I am exhausted.

Since this week is the final week before Spring Break, every single one of my teacher decides, "Hey, let's try to cram in as many grades in 5 days!"

My history teacher assigned a page on Brown v. Board of Ed, I thought, oh boy! What an easy way to get my grade up. My English teacher assigned 5 pages on Tinker v. Des Moines. My health teacher asked for two current events, my biology teacher asked for a poster, along with a three page report on a genetic disease, my German teacher provided many a-pop quizzes, my Algebra two teacher provided a quiz every single day of this week, and tomorrow I have a test on everything we've learned this semester. In band I want to do my best since I am the section leader in charge, and by the time I get home, I don't know where to start.

Everyday, I receive many college letters, asking whether I've considered their school yet. Everyday, I am more tired than the last. Everyday, I have more to do.

When I finally do have down time to reflect on my day, and how for some reason, the days blur by me. Did I say hello to my friend who I nod at everyday? Did I eat lunch? Did I remember my book for the Algebra quiz?

No. I didn't.

To make matters worse, my best friend (who is a senior, and twenty times more busy than I am) has no time for me. I miss him.

I am stressed. I am tired. And I just want to sleep.

But I can't. Not for another two days.

I switch teams.

Spring is here.

I am getting excited for this season in spite of myself. I was always a Winter girl. I was always the girl who defended Winter, when everyone else hated her. I loved the snowflakes, I love the cold crisp air, I loved the apparel: gloves, mittens, scarfs, boots, jackets, hats, skullies. I loved the way the bristles of the bushes stuck out, imperfect and dangerous. I loved the way the snow looked when the sun was setting. I loved the way fresh snow sparkled.

But one day, when I was driving with the windows down, and drinking a cool Snapple, something changed. I wanted to immerse myself into the sun, and breeze. I wanted to kick off my shoes, tilt my head, close my eyes, and thank Spring for bringing me beauty.

A comeback.

"Last published August 21, 2009."

That might as well have been many years ago.

Since my abrupt leaving, I've gotten older, I've cut my hair and grown it out again. I've met some of the greatest people I've ever met, and lost a great friend. I've lost a boyfriend, and gained a best friend. I've gotten A's on research papers, projects, and F's pop algebra quizzes. I've laughed, I've cried, I've thought, I've read. I've become stronger emotionally, I've become aware of my faults, I've become aware of my strengths. I've become aware of which people in my life I care most about.

I've come a long way since August 21st 2009.

But I'm still struggling to make decisions that will affect my entire life. Do I? Don't I? Will I? What if? What if? What if?

I've missed writing to no one in particular. Instead of having to write about the Cold War, or Sickle Cell disease, or Freedom of Speech, I get to write about myself, which is exponentially much better. Maybe this will be a way for me to better myself.

We'll see.